May 2015

The F.I.X. Conversation!

I often hear the following sentiments when I am coaching teams to help them work together better.  “The office would be great if it weren’t for them!  The “them” they are referring to are the people that annoy them!

The reality is we can’t fix other people’s behavior we can only fix our own.  If we want to make our relationship better the only way we are going to have a chance is by focusing where the control is…our self.  Our power in getting others to change starts with our own willingness to change ourselves.  This month is dedicated to learning how to communicate more effectively to resolve problems in our relationships.

We only move forward once we realize someone else can’t fix our relationships problems for us…only those of us involved in the relationship can fix the problems. The boss, manager or HR can’t fix relationships. Even a relationship expert like myself can’t fix other people’s relationships. I coach and help facilitate a more positive conversation with less emotional energy. However, The F.I.X. is dependent on the people involved in the conflict.

Conflicts are really just a conversation with emotional energy resulting from a false assumption, difference of opinion or a different x-pectation. SO to F.I.X our relationships we must first F.I.X. our conversations. The F.I.X. Conversation starts by:

• Everyone involved in the relationship wanting to actually make things better
• Realizing that what is currently being done isn’t working

The relationship will fail if there is not consensus on these two things.

The F.I.X. Conversation is a three step process that empowers individuals to fix their problems in the relationship! F.I.X. is an acronym for Focus, Identify and X-pectation!

F – Focus first on the positives in the relationship. What is currently working in the relationship? We can get so wrapped up in what’s not working we fail to see all the wonderful things that are working.   Share with the other person what you appreciate about them.  Highlight the positives.

I – Identify the key issues or obstacles that need to be addressed. Examine current behaviors happening in the relationship. Communicating about the obstacles often uncovers the false assumptions that created them in the first place. Make sure the main issues and obstacles are listed or they won’t be resolved. What needs to be changed or improved to make the relationship better? What does better mean? Be specific; have a better attitude is too general. Instead, clarify what a better attitude means to you. Base it on actions to start doing versus actions to stop doing. For example:

• Greet each other warmly in the morning
• Smile at each other throughout the day
• Happily help and support each other

X – X-pectations for behaviors moving forward. What does each person need from the other to make the relationship succeed? Together come up with a plan of specific actions to make the relationship better. It is important that the plan always support the practice standards and is in the best interests of the patients and the practice. What will each person agree to do differently regardless of circumstances or outside influences (other people)? Agree to no longer blame anyone or anything for their actions. They are the sole owner of their actions! Commit to a plan of action that is a win for everyone involved. Start implementing the plan immediately. The more precise and consistent the new behavior becomes the sooner it will become a habit and a sustainable fix!

Stop focusing on the problems and start communicating about what can F.I.X. the relationship and you will build sincere, strong and sustainable relationships!