My newsletters are often a reflection of what I observe when working with dental teams.  The phrase “we are just like one big family” is used by many dental teams to describe their office environment.  One would assume it be a positive statement.  However, I have found in many cases the opposite is true.  They were indeed like one big family…one big dysfunctional family! This month’s newsletter is dedicated to changing your team’s relationships from dysfunctional to dynamic!  

The dictionary defines dysfunction as a behavior pattern that undermines team stability.  Some examples of dysfunctional behaviors are being tardy, unreliable, dishonest, unsupportive, disrespectful or unkind. When I was in grade school we received progress reports or as we called them report cards.  There was an entire section on conduct.  Conduct was broken down into 5 areas. 

• Observes regulations
• Works and plays well with others
• Respect for property
• Respect for authority
• Is courteous in speech and manner 

You either received and S for satisfactory or a U for unsatisfactory to rate your behavior.  Thankfully I received all S’s!  I know I am really dating myself here. Many of us seem to have forgotten or maybe have never been taught that we are responsible for our conduct at work. It is not the doctor(s) and manager’s responsibility to make us play well with others!  It is OURS!   Here are three behaviors to shift dysfunctional patterns into dynamic patterns and start playing well together.

Filtering – For some reason we feel once we say we are a family we don’t need to filter what we say to each other.  We justify it by saying we are just being honest or we have to be authentic to our feelings.  After all we can’t help how we feel!  (Oh really…read my December 2013 newsletter) We lose our politeness and kindness towards each other.  Our words are often direct and hurtful.  We believe because we are like family it is okay to behave in this manner.  That our co-workers should just be able to handle whatever we say.  The reality is words cut deep and can destroy even real families.  Don’t we all know someone who no longer speaks to certain family members…maybe even you?  It is important to think before you speak to avoid jeopardizing the relationship.  Be respectful of how the other person might feel.  Treat each other with the same kindness and politeness that you would if you were on your best behavior with a stranger.  After all why share the best of you only with strangers…why not give your best to those you work with and care about most.  

Apologizing – If you make a mistake, be sincere and apologize as soon as possible. Don’t try to hide it, ignore it or pretend it doesn’t matter.  When we don’t apologize for our mistakes or wrongdoings as they happen we leave unresolved issues.  It is human nature to store unresolved issues.  Some of us our so good at storing our issues that we have an entire storage unit full.  Until finally one day a blow up happens…and the storage unit gates fly open and every unresolved issue comes hurling out.  Try to apologize the same day if at all possible to resolve issues and keep them from being stored.

Forgiving – In order to move forward and work together in a functional relationship we need to forgive each other.  I can’t tell you how many times I observe two team members who don’t work well together anymore because of something that happened years ago.  I would like you to consider forgiveness in this light.  Imagine the worst thing you have ever done in your life.  What if it was written on your forehead in permanent marker for all the world to see?   That was your reputation and what you were held accountable to forever.  In essence that is what we are doing when we are unwilling to forgive others.  We are holding others accountable for the worst behavior they ever did to us.  The best way to forgive is to stop trying to agree on who was at fault in the past.  Instead focus on the future and what you can change or do differently to make the relationship work.  

Implementing these three positive behaviors will help you change your dental family from dysfunctional to a dynamic!

Contact Judy Kay today if you would like to learn more about how she can help you change dysfunctional team relationships into dynamic team relationships!