July 1, 2015

Don’t Kick the Dog!

I thought the Dog Days of summer would be the perfect time for my topic this month, Don’t Kick the Dog! Both are oppressive. The Dog Days of summer are usually oppressive heat days. Kicking the dog refers to oppressive often displaced behavior towards others. The dog is an analogy for the people who are loyal to us such as a co-workers, friends and family.

This message is dedicated to learning how to stop kicking the dog and instead start loving the dog to build happier, healthier and higher performing relationships!  This is a preview to a larger discussion in August in The Progressive Dentist Magazine, http://theprodentist.com

Some of us are in the habit of kicking the dog whenever we get frustrated because something didn’t meet our expectations! Don’t Kick the Dog!  It is important to remember that the dog is a loyal co-worker, friend or family member. They are the ones who can and will help us most! You may have heard, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Which is actually saying, that when you’re trying to accomplish something, you’ll have more success by using ‘sweeter’ (i.e. politer, nicer) methods than by being angry, frustrated, rude, or cruel. Think about it for a second. Why would anyone go out of their way to help you achieve your goals if your behavior is oppressive towards them?

Here are a few common scenarios that illustrate kicking the dog.

The schedule falls apart and the doctor takes their frustration out by blaming the team so the team takes their frustration out by blaming each other. The reality is neither the doctor nor the team was responsible for the schedule falling apart. It was the patients who either didn’t show or canceled last minute.

We are running behind because a patient came late or the treatment was more involved. We take our frustrations out on our co-workers by blaming them for not helping us enough. They did not make us run behind or make the treatment more difficult.

We get home from a long and tiring day at work and take our frustrations out on our family. They had absolutely nothing to do with what happened during our day AND they are the people we love the most!

In each of these scenarios the person being kicked had nothing to do with the cause for frustration. They just happened to be unlucky enough to be work with us or live with us or just be in the vicinity.   The next time you feel like kicking the dog stop yourself immediately and remember that the dog is loyal to you. Instead start showing them the love they deserve by taking the following steps:

• Breathe deep for a minimum of 30 seconds to surpass the fight or flight stage and get back into the cognitive thinking stage. Take 10 very deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth!
• Shift your energy from frustration and blame to a caring and solution focused energy by being mindful that they did not cause the problem. They can help you.
• Don’t assume anything instead ask questions until you clearly understand what happened.
• Slow down and take the time to ask for help instead of running crazy trying to put out all the fires yourself. How can you be angry at others if you didn’t ask for their help?
• Let go of the blame game of who did or didn’t do what and instead focus on what steps can help you move forward to achieve your goals.
• Brainstorm and work together to strategize a plan to change future results.
• Clearly define the implementation strategy by defining the what, who does it and who for, when, where, why and how.
• Schedule check-ins to create accountability.
• Address whenever something isn’t happening the same day if possible with a kind and supportive reminder. Remember we said we were going to…This will help the other person get back on track and avoid frustrations from building. Accountability does not mean you ask for something once. Accountability means we follow though until the task has been completed.
• Show appreciation by thanking everyone who came to your assistance and helped you to resolve the frustration.

We can build happier, healthier and higher performing relationships and get the results we desire when we stop kicking and start loving the dog! It’s a win for everyone including the dog!