This month’s newsletter is dedicated to the touchy feeling stuff! And it’s big stuff!  Our feelings are what drive our actions and our actions generate our outcome!  

 Something happens, we assign meaning to it, the meaning creates a feeling, the feeling drives a reaction!

 We can change our results when we recognize how our feelings affect our outcome and learn how to control versus be controlled by them! 

Haven’t we all at one time or another reacted to something negatively because of how we felt at the moment and regretted it later.  It can happen to even the best of us.  However, when we continue to allow our feelings to control our reactions we become what I refer to as an emotional reactor.  Emotional reactors allow their feelings instead of their mind to be in the driver seat of their actions!  They often lose control and lash out in volatile explosions of anger, judgment, criticism etc!  They are extremely dangerous and difficult to be around because you never know when they will erupt.  Often times they hurt the ones they love the most.  Their path is strewn with the fallout of damaged and broken relationships.  The good news is we can end the emotional reaction cycle by understanding it and putting our mind back in the driver seat!

The Emotional Reaction Cycle starts when we assign meaning to an experience.  Our reality is based on what we believe to be true about an experience at the time it happens and how we label it.  Our mind filters the world we live in.  Our reality is really just our perception.  A group of people could share an experience and have a different reality based on how they filter the experience.  The two filters that affect our reality most often are Generalization and Distortion. 

Generalization is when something is similar or familiar to a past experience and we assign the same meaning.  It can greatly contribute to limiting beliefs.  For example, all people with blonde hair are not smart.  (Just thought I would throw that in as I am blonde…or at least that is my current color of choice).   Another example is when someone reminds us of someone we know and we either instantly like or dislike them based on the other relationship.  Or we are unwilling to try something because it is similar to something we failed at before.

Distortion is changing an experience from what it actually was to some modified form of what it is.  Distortion happens when you remember a moment of an event as representing the entire thing. Usually it is something negative that over shadows everything else.  For example you receive 10 positive comments and one negative comment from your patients and you focus only on what you are doing wrong.  Or you define your day by the one thing that was difficult versus the 100 things that went well.  Or we define other people only by their mistakes or by one characteristic we dislike. 

Once we realize that our reality is really only our perception of the experience based on our filters we open ourselves up to other possibilities and can change how we feel.   

 The awesome part is it takes less than 60 seconds to change your feelings to change your results!

 Here are 5 steps to help you change how you feel and stop the emotional reaction cycle.   

 The first step is recognizing how you are feeling.  Actually ask yourself; how do I feel right at this moment.  Identify the feeling or emotion by saying I am feeling…frustrated or tired or angry or helpless or afraid or jealous etc. 

The seconds step is to visualize the negative feeling as a little monster sitting on your right shoulder dictating how you should feel.  (My monster looks a lot like the little green mucus guy from the Mucinex commercial.)  Then address your monster and send it packing. I say to my monster “I see you and you have no control over me” and then I physically flick it off my shoulder!  You may have to flick the monster off several times…they are pretty persistent little devils.  Let’s be honest sometimes it feels good to let off steam.  However, a moment of release is never worth hurting someone and even possibly destroying the relationship.  Words do hurt and are very powerful.  Words can destroy relationships even with the people we love the most. 

 The third step is to re-hardwire how you are feeling by not taking things so personal.  Life doesn’t happen to us personally; it just happens.  People behave towards us based on their limiting beliefs of reality.  Yet we often take it as personal.  Have you ever said, “Why does this always have to happen to me?”  It didn’t happen to you…you chose to own it.  It isn’t like the game Dodge Ball where some universal force picks you out of all the people on the rest of the planet and decides to throw something at you!  It may sometimes feel like it but stuff happens and it’s not personal.  There are just a lot of flying balls out there and we occasionally run into one. 

The fourth step is to re-program how we feel.  A physical emotion only lasts 30 seconds.   We extend the emotion when we continue to rehash our feelings over and over.  To change how you feel choose words to describe how you want to feel.  Now it’s time for the physical reset.  Slow down your thinking in order to stop spinning.  Start by taking three deep breaths in and out to become present.  Say out loud the feeling(s) you want to feel.  “I feel happy or I feel at peace!” Now imagine a time when you felt that emotion and immerse yourself in that experience.  Give yourself at least 30 seconds to really enjoy that memory. 

The fifth step and final step is to choose how you want to react.   Ask yourself, “How would I react if I were being my best me or the person I want to become?”  Aristotle said it best when he said “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act but a habit.”   How would the person you want to become or the people you admire and respect most behave in this situation! 

Ta-dah!  You have just changed how you feel, how you reacted and your results in less than 60 seconds!

My hope for you moving forward is that whatever may come your way you will come from a place of curiosity instead of judgment and criticism.  Please be careful about what you label things. What we label it is what our reality becomes.  Label the experience or event interesting instead of good, bad, right, wrong, negative or positive.  We really don’t know until we have reached the end of our journey.   It is only than that we can look back and see the outcome and whether it brought us success or failure.  Often times it may feel grueling and difficult short term.  However, it may be just what we needed to shape, change and help us grow and empower us to live our dreams.  Happy feelings to you!