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July 1, 2015

Don’t Kick the Dog!

July 1, 2015

Don’t Kick the Dog!

I thought the Dog Days of summer would be the perfect time for my topic this month, Don’t Kick the Dog! Both are oppressive. The Dog Days of summer are usually oppressive heat days. Kicking the dog refers to oppressive often displaced behavior towards others. The dog is an analogy for the people who are loyal to us such as a co-workers, friends and family.

This message is dedicated to learning how to stop kicking the dog and instead start loving the dog to build happier, healthier and higher performing relationships!  This is a preview to a larger discussion in August in The Progressive Dentist Magazine, http://theprodentist.com

Some of us are in the habit of kicking the dog whenever we get frustrated because something didn’t meet our expectations! Don’t Kick the Dog!  It is important to remember that the dog is a loyal co-worker, friend or family member. They are the ones who can and will help us most! You may have heard, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Which is actually saying, that when you’re trying to accomplish something, you’ll have more success by using ‘sweeter’ (i.e. politer, nicer) methods than by being angry, frustrated, rude, or cruel. Think about it for a second. Why would anyone go out of their way to help you achieve your goals if your behavior is oppressive towards them?

Here are a few common scenarios that illustrate kicking the dog.

The schedule falls apart and the doctor takes their frustration out by blaming the team so the team takes their frustration out by blaming each other. The reality is neither the doctor nor the team was responsible for the schedule falling apart. It was the patients who either didn’t show or canceled last minute.

We are running behind because a patient came late or the treatment was more involved. We take our frustrations out on our co-workers by blaming them for not helping us enough. They did not make us run behind or make the treatment more difficult.

We get home from a long and tiring day at work and take our frustrations out on our family. They had absolutely nothing to do with what happened during our day AND they are the people we love the most!

In each of these scenarios the person being kicked had nothing to do with the cause for frustration. They just happened to be unlucky enough to be work with us or live with us or just be in the vicinity.   The next time you feel like kicking the dog stop yourself immediately and remember that the dog is loyal to you. Instead start showing them the love they deserve by taking the following steps:

 

  • Breathe deep for a minimum of 30 seconds to surpass the fight or flight stage and get back into the cognitive thinking stage. Take 10 very deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth!
  • Shift your energy from frustration and blame to a caring and solution focused energy by being mindful that they did not cause the problem. They can help you.
  • Don’t assume anything instead ask questions until you clearly understand what happened.
  • Slow down and take the time to ask for help instead of running crazy trying to put out all the fires yourself. How can you be angry at others if you didn’t ask for their help?
  • Let go of the blame game of who did or didn’t do what and instead focus on what steps can help you move forward to achieve your goals.
  • Brainstorm and work together to strategize a plan to change future results.
  • Clearly define the implementation strategy by defining the what, who does it and who for, when, where, why and how.
  • Schedule check-ins to create accountability.
  • Address whenever something isn’t happening the same day if possible with a kind and supportive reminder. Remember we said we were going to…This will help the other person get back on track and avoid frustrations from building. Accountability does not mean you ask for something once. Accountability means we follow though until the task has been completed.
  • Show appreciation by thanking everyone who came to your assistance and helped you to resolve the frustration.

We can build happier, healthier and higher performing relationships and get the results we desire when we stop kicking and start loving the dog! It’s a win for everyone including the dog!

June 1, 2015

Clear, Effective Communication!

June 2015

Clear, Effective Communication!

Regardless of whether you’re talking about business, politics, sports or healthcare, the most successful people are first-rate communicators. Clear, effective communication is key to their success. To grow as a leader, manager or team member, it is necessary to learn how to master the art of clear, effective communication.

This month is dedicated to learning how to communicate more clearly and effectively to raise your level of success!

Here are 5 tips to help you communicate more clearly and effectively to raise your level of success in life!

 

  1. Be Transparent

Choose to be transparent in all communications. We want others to trust not only what we say, but what we mean. There are no hidden agendas, gray areas or reading between the lines. Transparency sheds light on our intentions and builds trust. People work hard for and follow the people they trust!

 

  1. Avoid Rambling

We often ramble on, particularly when we are nervous. Try to keep your phrasing succinct and focused and don’t go off on tangents. Data dumping too much information at one time is confusing to the listener. State your point briefly and clearly – then be quiet. Silence gives the listener a chance to consider what you’ve said, and respond.

 

  1. Avoid Using Demeaning Words

Remove the hedging phrases like “I just,” “I only,”…” from your vocabulary. Sometimes you may need to soften the impact of what you’re saying when you’re in a touchy situation. Choose language that softens the impact without demeaning what you’re saying.

 

  1. Ask

A lot of us never ask for what we need or want. We hold it inside and then get resentful when we don’t get it. Be clear with yourself first about what you want, and then ask for it. People can’t read our mind…well at least most people can’t! One of my favorite new phrases is “I prefer…” which is a kinder, gentler version of “I need” or “I want,” but it clearly states your preferences and it works. I have adopted a new motto in my life. I ask myself, “what have I got to lose”? If it’s not a life and death situation I ask for what I want. It’s amazing how many things have manifested in my life simply because I asked!

 

  1. Control Your Emotions

Show passion and positive Emotions. It shows you are human, you care and are excited about life. However, control negative emotions such as anger, frustration, outbursts and dramatic displays. If something takes you by surprise, and you feel yourself getting emotional, tell them you need to think about it and will get back to them by a certain time. This will allow you time to regroup and respond clearly and logically instead of emotionally.

Utilizing these 5 communication tips will help you to communicate more clearly and effectively and raise your level of success in life!

May 1, 2015

The F.I.X. Conversation!

May 2015

 

The F.I.X. Conversation!

 

I often hear the following sentiments when I am coaching teams to help them work together better.  “The office would be great if it weren’t for them!  The “them” they are referring to are the people that annoy them!

The reality is we can’t fix other people’s behavior we can only fix our own.  If we want to make our relationship better the only way we are going to have a chance is by focusing where the control is…our self.  Our power in getting others to change starts with our own willingness to change ourselves.  This month is dedicated to learning how to communicate more effectively to resolve problems in our relationships.

We only move forward once we realize someone else can’t fix our relationships problems for us…only those of us involved in the relationship can fix the problems. The boss, manager or HR can’t fix relationships. Even a relationship expert like myself can’t fix other people’s relationships. I coach and help facilitate a more positive conversation with less emotional energy. However, The F.I.X. is dependent on the people involved in the conflict.

Conflicts are really just a conversation with emotional energy resulting from a false assumption, difference of opinion or a different x-pectation. SO to F.I.X our relationships we must first F.I.X. our conversations. The F.I.X. Conversation starts by:

  • Everyone involved in the relationship wanting to actually make things better
  • Realizing that what is currently being done isn’t working

The relationship will fail if there is not consensus on these two things.

The F.I.X. Conversation is a three step process that empowers individuals to fix their problems in the relationship! F.I.X. is an acronym for Focus, Identify and X-pectation!

F – Focus first on the positives in the relationship. What is currently working in the relationship? We can get so wrapped up in what’s not working we fail to see all the wonderful things that are working.   Share with the other person what you appreciate about them.  Highlight the positives.

I – Identify the key issues or obstacles that need to be addressed. Examine current behaviors happening in the relationship. Communicating about the obstacles often uncovers the false assumptions that created them in the first place. Make sure the main issues and obstacles are listed or they won’t be resolved. What needs to be changed or improved to make the relationship better? What does better mean? Be specific; have a better attitude is too general. Instead, clarify what a better attitude means to you. Base it on actions to start doing versus actions to stop doing. For example:

  • Greet each other warmly in the morning
  • Smile at each other throughout the day
  • Happily help and support each other

X – X-pectations for behaviors moving forward. What does each person need from the other to make the relationship succeed? Together come up with a plan of specific actions to make the relationship better. It is important that the plan always support the practice standards and is in the best interests of the patients and the practice. What will each person agree to do differently regardless of circumstances or outside influences (other people)? Agree to no longer blame anyone or anything for their actions. They are the sole owner of their actions! Commit to a plan of action that is a win for everyone involved. Start implementing the plan immediately. The more precise and consistent the new behavior becomes the sooner it will become a habit and a sustainable fix!

Stop focusing on the problems and start communicating about what can F.I.X. the relationship and you will build sincere, strong and sustainable relationships!

 

April 1, 2015

Behavior versus Personality Trait

April 2015

Behavior versus Personality Trait!

I have the privilege of helping dental teams nationwide communicate and work together better, become better leaders and deliver service with more passion and fun! A big part of the process is to shed light on the obstacles that get in their way. One of the biggest obstacles people struggle with is the belief that their behavior is their personality…AND they can’t change their personality…it is just who they are!   Therefore, they cannot change!

The dictionary defines personality as the sum total of the physical, mental, emotional, and social characteristics of an individual. Whereas behavior is defined as the aggregate of responses to internal and external stimuli.

Our personality is who we are but does not have to determine our behavior.   Our behavior is a response to what is happening and we can always choose our response.   Once we understand this we are no longer limited by our personality traits.

I was working with a scheduling coordinator, I will refer to as Fran (her name has been changed) who did not exude warm fuzzys to the patients. The doctor and manager wanted a warm and welcoming scheduling coordinator. My first step was to confirm with Fran whether she wanted to be a friendly scheduling coordinator. She said “I do…but how I greet people and answer the phone is just who I am. I can’t be fake!” I reassured her that I did not want her to be fake but instead come from a place of genuine care and warmth. I asked her to think about something or someone she loved. She took a moment and said, “oooohhhh I love my dog!” As she said it her eyes sparkled and she smiled wide. In that moment she was actually beaming warm fuzzys! I said, “That’s it! That’s the energy and emotion that we are looking for!” Fran said, “But I don’t feel that way about the patients. Most of the patients aren’t very friendly to me! I only feel this way about my dog! My dog loves me! AND even if I wanted to I still can’t change my personality! I am not going to be all miss sunshine, rainbows and kittens! It’s just not me!” I told her I didn’t expect her to change her personality to be sunshine, rainbows and kittens. I was just asking her to change her behavior in how she treated the patients. The awesome thing was it was not even a new behavior she had to learn. She had already displayed it talking about her dog. All she had to do was replicate those same behaviors with the patients.

We taped a little picture of her dog where she could quickly glance at it to help her genuinely smile before answering the phone or greeting a patient. Fran was able to make the change once she understood smiling and greeting patients warmly was a learnable behavior not a set personality trait. Funny thing is that when I checked in with her to see how she was doing…she shared that the patients seemed to be a whole lot friendlier to her lately! Hmmm might have something to do with the energy she now radiates! Just saying…it’s the Law of Attraction in action!

Often times we get so wrapped up defending who we are we don’t realize it is our behavior that is in question and not our personality. The next time you are asked to make a change instead of going into defense mode and responding, “I can’t change this is just who I am,” ask yourself the following questions:

 

  • Where have I demonstrated the desired behavior?
  • How can I replicate this behavior in this situation?

 

Once we understand that our behavior is just a response which we can choose to change at any time AND not our personality…We are open to create limitless success!

Contact Judy Kay today if you would like to learn how she can help you build a cohesive team that support each other and the practice, become better leaders, and deliver service with more passion and fun!

March 1, 2015

MOTIVATION DOES NOT LAST!

March 2015

Motivation Does Not Last!

Motivation does not last sounds like such a negative title coming from me. I am known as the coach, speaker and author whose goal is to motivate others to be happier and more positive! OMG, you are probably thinking she finally hit the wall. LOL

Breathe, I still live in my orange world filled with sunshine, happiness and positive energy. However, the reason I am happy and positive almost all of the time is that I do realize that motivation does not last!   Staying motivated is a choice and a commitment we make.

The dictionary defines motivation as having a strong reason to act in a certain way or accomplish something. So how can we stay motivated on a daily basis? Define your reasons! Here are questions that can help you define the reasons that will motivate you.

  1.  Am I happy with how I live my life?
  2. Do I impact others in a positive manner?
  3. Do I strive to do my best?

Let’s start with question number one, are we happy with how we live our life. If we are happy with how we live our life we will have a strong reason which is the motivation to keep doing what we are doing. Take some time alone to take inventory of your life. I like to use a big easel pad and markers to write down all the thoughts that pop into my head. What is currently in your life that makes you happy and grateful and what is currently in your life that does not. This same process works great for dental teams as well to help them create the culture where they are happy and motivated to work. Have a team meeting and discuss what is currently in the work culture that makes the team feel happy and grateful and what does not?

Start by identifying and writing in ORANGE (seriously is there any other color) what you appreciate and makes you happy that is already in your life. Maybe you have an awesome family or a job you love or you are healthy. Feeling gratitude and happiness for what exists creates motivation to continue down the same path! Happiness and gratitude are huge motivators as they are great reasons and the pay off the what’s in it for us!

Next use a blue marker to write down all the things that are currently in your life that do not make you feel happier. Get it…they make you feel blue. Prioritize and just focus on one at a time. Knowing what you would like to improve to feel happier is a great motivator.

My husband Steve and I are focusing on getting healthier this year. We both have had some minor lower back issues that have been impeding us from doing some of the things that we enjoy and make us happy. In December we started doing Pilates together in our home twice a week. Our instructor is Sarah Picot in her video “More Than a Mat”! You can find her awesome video series on Amazon. Steve and I are motivated to continue Pilates because our backs have started to feel so much better. Now we can do more of the things we enjoy which makes us happier! We also have given each other FitBits as a Christmas gift. Who knew competition with your hubby could be so much fun. Competition and fun are huge motivators. We consciously take extra steps to reach our goal which is 10,000 steps per day. Here is my brag moment…when I was speaking at the awesome Star of The South meeting this January in Houston I logged over 25,000 steps in one day! When I speak I like to walk around in the audience.

Question number two, impacting others in a positive manner is really about positive circulation. Positive circulation is like Law of Attraction but always on the positive side. When we lift others up we will feel lifted because it gives us a sense of well-being. Having a sense of wellbeing is a huge motivator. Positive circulation is that all things in the universe are always flowing in circulation but at an ever expanding rate. What you give to one person, you will receive from a different source. So you don’t have to give with the expectation of receiving back from the same person you give to, but knowing that it will definitely come back to you multiplied from other sources. It works according to the law of cause and effect where the universe always mirrors back to you whatever you do. Think about this, how many times you have opened the door for someone only for someone to open the door for you…or allowed someone to merge in traffic and was reciprocated later in the day from another driver.

Question number three, doing our best is about having a sense of pride in what we do. Pride is a huge motivator. I am sorry to say pride has gotten a bad rap. There is a difference between having pride in what we do versus being boastful. Pride does not mean we are being conceited, arrogant or smug. Pride means we feel happy, joyful, delighted, satisfied and respect ourselves for what we have accomplished. How sad that we have been taught it is wrong to celebrate doing our best and feeling good about it. Instead we wait for others to acknowledge our success which often goes unnoticed. Think about it. How many times have you done something you feel good about at work and no one was there to celebrate for you. We end up not celebrating and we lose our joy and passion in life. Joy, passion and celebration are huge motivators! The next time you do your best at something even if there is no one to help you celebrate…stop and take a moment…stand up…breathe deep…throw your arms in the air…and shout TA-DAH! Give yourself a round of applause! After all you deserve it…you did your best. That’s all any one of us can do. Harness the motivating power of celebration with a TA-DAH today!

Contact Judy Kay today if you would like to learn more about how she can help your team WORK together better to build a happy healthy and high performing service culture!

February 1, 2015

Slaying Stress Monsters

February 2015

Slaying Stress Monsters!

Many of us feel stressed on a daily basis and for some of us even hourly! Stress affects our health, happiness and our success in life. Our level of success in life is defined by our level of happiness and our level of happiness is driven by the level of stress we feel in our day to day routines. This month’s focus is on learning how to remove stress to get happier and more successful!

Let’s start with the myths about stress…that stress is something that happens to us …or that someone made us feel stressed. The reality is that stress does not happen to us it is manifested by us. It is not what is happening or not happening or who does what that causes our stress. It is how we think and respond to the situation that causes our stress. We often talk about stress as if it is a physical thing like a monster that seeks us out. Stress does not come looking for us. We manifest it from within. Whether we feel stress is always subject to our mindset.

“Our mindset creates our stress level!”

There are four common stress monsters that we most often manifest. We can remove the stress in our life by identifying and overcoming these monsters.

The first stress monster is the WHAT IF monster! We worry and agonize about what if this happens or what if that happens.   What if they don’t like us or don’t accept us. What if I am not good enough? What if I do this and I end up opening a can of worms or the biggest what if…what if I fail! The stress of what if weighs heavy on many of us ad keeps us playing ourselves small. When you start to feel yourself spin into the WHAT IF cycle:

  • Stop ruminating
  • Breathe deep and count to 10 slowly for 30 seconds
  • Observe emotion than let it go!
  • Start thinking & processing!
  • Make a plan!
    • What is the worst case scenario
    • What is the best case scenario
    • What is most likely to happen
    • Will I live? If the answer is yes…take the next step

The second stress monster is the SHOULDS monster. We constantly stress ourselves out with negative self-talk. We become critical and think I should do this I shouldn’t have done that. The more we do it the more we start to doubt our worth and what we can accomplish. When we get into the comparison trap someone always ends up losing, usually it is us. Others are doing this or have this…I should…! When you start to SHOULD on yourself:

  • Stop being a Wallower
    • Wallowers – complain ,criticize, blame, gossip and compare
  • Be a creator
  • Focus on what is positive in your life
  • Identify what isn’t
  • Go after what you want
  • Replace the word Should with Could

The third stress monster is the PERFECTION monster. We stress about doing everything perfect. It paralyzes us and can stop us from taking even the first step. We start to procrastinate and stress out of fear of not doing it perfect. We start to feel petty and insignificant. The reality is none of us can start from perfect. Success comes only after mistakes. We will never become the person we could become if we limit ourselves to perfection. Success happens when we keep trying until you persevere. When the PERFECTION monster starts judging you:

  • Strive for excellence not perfection
  • Set high standards not impossible standards
  • Value who you are not what you do
  • Learn from failure instead of being devastated
  • Correct mistakes instead of dwelling on them
  • Appreciate instead of detest critical feedback
  • Don’t base your self-esteem on winning
  • Focus on the process as well as the results

The fourth stress monster is the DOOM & GLOOM monster. You know like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh! We become pessimistic and stress about life. We see the glass as half empty. We believe life is full of adversities that happen just to us. We believe the bad things will continue to happen throughout our entire life and they will affect everything we do. Our beliefs generate our feelings and our feelings determine our outcome. It becomes a negative self-prophesizing cycle. When the DOOM & GLOOM monster hangs over your head:

  • Dispute the negative limiting beliefs
  • Verify accuracy
  • Identify 3 potential positives
  • Take action steps to support the positive

When we identify the monster we our manifesting we can take action steps to remove it. I like to visualize the monster sitting on my shoulder and remove it by saying I see you and physically flicking it off my shoulder! Slay the stress monsters in your life and get happier and more successful! TA-DAH!

Contact Judy Kay today if you would like to learn more about how she can help your team WORK together better to build a happy healthy and high performing service culture!

January 1, 2015

Leadership Matters

Leadership Matters Regardless of our position in life we all lead. The problem for many of us is we don’t necessarily know what it takes to be a great leader or even a good one. This newsletter is dedicated to the leadership skills that can make a difference in the things that matter most in life!

I would like to tell you a story about a woman who was a great leader! Her name is Ione Miller and she just happens to be my mom. Mom was a city girl who at the age of 19 married a country boy (my dad Clem) and moved to a farm in ND! She raised 7 kids, ran the household and was my dad’s best farmhand. She was a very busy lady! Yet regardless of how busy she was…even as kids we knew that when mom thought something mattered, come hell or high water, (one of her favorite sayings) she would make it happen.

Ione Miller - High School

Our little Post office in St. Anthony was one of those things that mattered! Mom heard they were planning on closing the post office and instead of just complaining about it she took action. She called the powers that be to find out what she needed to do make stop it from happening. She was informed she would need a minimum of one hundred signatures on a petition from the St. Anthony and surrounding area residents. St. Anthony has a population of maybe all of 21 including pets which meant the majority of signatures would need to come from the surrounding farms. Mom drafted a petition and drove from farm to farm until she had secured all 100 signatures.   She happily handed over the petition over only to find out that it was no longer good enough. They had changed the rules and in order for the post office to stay open every family that signed needed to come to the post office and sign again in front of state representatives. They chose a day in the middle of harvest season with a tiny window of time from 10am and 2pm. Mom asked for extended hours explaining that farmers worked from sun up to sun down in the field during harvest season. They declined with a response of, “If it is so important they should just make time”. Mom reassured them that it was indeed important and they would be there. Once again she went from farm to farm to rally support. The day arrived and mom waited anxiously with the representatives. Over two hours had passed and not even one person had come to sign. One of the representatives snidely remarked, “We should just wrap it up now! There is no way you’re going to get enough signatures.”   With confidence (I can imagine it was starting to dwindle) mom responded. “We shall see!” and demanded they wait until 2pm. One by one the farmers started to trickle in. Most came right from their tractors in the field still wearing their stained and dirty overalls.   Mom greeted each one with a big smile while handing them the petition to sign. They had enough signatures by 2pm to keep the St. Anthony Post Office open! Way to go mom! In this story my mom exemplifies four core competencies that helped her succeed! They are clarity, confidence, perseverance and passion!

  • Clarity was displayed by having a clear end goal of keeping the post office open.
  • Confidence in herself and her community was demonstrated when she stood up to the state representatives even when things weren’t looking favorable.
  • Perseverance was portrayed by her willingness to do whatever it took to make it happen even when it became discouraging and overwhelming.
  • Passion was what she presented with to her community to incite them enough to leave their work in the middle of the day.

Mom was an awesome leader and I miss her every day! Great Leaders have clarity of who they are, the direction they want to go and the results they want to accomplish. Great Leaders are confident in their decisions and leadership. Self-confident leaders also recognize the value of building self-confidence in others. Great Leaders have perseverance to do what needs to be done regardless of the difficulty. They keep on keeping on. They continue look for ways to succeed when they hit a road block. Leaders with Perseverance ask, what can I do now? Great Leaders have passion for what they do in life and inspire others to follow. Passion is what ignites the heart and soul. No matter how difficult, hectic, or crazy life gets…It’s always up to each one of us to decide how we will lead in our life. We have a choice in every moment of every day regardless of the situation or circumstances. I challenge you to lead your life with clarity, confidence, perseverance and passion so that you can make a difference in the things that matter most to you! Contact Judy Kay today if you would like to learn more about how she can help your team WORK together better to build a happy, healthy and high performing service culture!

December 1, 2014

Practice Time!

Practice Time!

Imagine an athletic team not scheduling practice time! No time to discuss and practice strategies, obstacles or who’s going to do what. How good would they be? Team meetings are your team’s practice time. This month is dedicated to creating effective practice time!

If your practice is like many practices I observe, the scheduled team meeting time (practice time) is often lowest on the scale of importance. Emergency patients, add ons, running behind and even lunches take priority over team meeting time. Many offices start out scheduling an hour but often end up with 30 to 45 minutes by the time everyone is in attendance and ready to participate. There are often many items on the agenda and the pace is very rushed. There never seems to be enough time to go deep enough to clearly understand the what, who, when, where, why, and how. Which means the team ends up talking about the same topics over and over again. Does this sound familiar?

It is necessary to have effective practice time to nurture a successful team culture! However, practice time can also be a source of frustration if you’re the only person facilitating or participating in the effort. There are many ways to encourage team participation and have others lead.

Often times team members stop participating because they fear retaliation or have been criticized or shut down with words or body language. You know the rolling of the eyes or the big sighs! You can create a safe and sharing environment by establishing communication guidelines for your practice time. Ask the entire team to work together to create Communication Guidelines. What is it that they need to feel safe to participate? Some examples of guidelines might be:

  • Listen
  • No judgment or criticism
  • Have a thicker skin
  • Believe in positive intent
  • Give the benefit of the doubt
  • Avoid sarcasm
  • Be respectful
  • Support a no-gossip culture
  • Project positive tone and body language
  • Be open minded
  • Be understanding
  • No retaliation

Once you have completed your guidelines, print them out, frame them and put them on display to refer to as needed. I suggest starting each meeting by reviewing the guidelines as well as whenever you hire someone new or someone’s behavior deems it necessary. Because we are human and old habits die hard we will need reminders! It can be as simple as, “remember we said we weren’t going to ______!

Here are some additional suggestions to inspire effective, efficient and engaging practice time:

  • Schedule practice time when most team members can attend.
  • Allocate appropriate time and space for your practice time.
  • Utilize a large easel pad and bright markers to write down the ideas being shared by the team. Ask team members to rotate writing.
    • Address the fear and worry of spelling…make it a part of your communication guidelines…no judgment or criticism for misspelling.
  • Address issues concerning patients and the practice.
  • Create an agenda and have the team members rotate leading the meeting.
  • Ask multiple choice or essay questions instead of yes and no questions.
  • Ask team members to write down their responses. When everyone has finished, have them share these responses with the group.
  • Break the team into groups of two or three, depending on the size of your team. Have them come up with solutions to share with the team.
  • Allow time for exercises and fun.
  • Practice verbal skills, role playing and the physical walk through before implementing anything new.

The more you empower the entire team to participate in decision-making, the more engaged they will be. When team members feel they’re involved in decisions, they take greater ownership for the outcomes. What we create, we own.

Contact Judy Kay today if you would like to learn more about how she can help your team WORK together to build a happy healthy and high performing culture!

November 1, 2014

Fear of the Unknown!

Fear of the Unknown!

Fear often paralyzes and sometimes even stops us from living a happier life. Yet fear is really only a negative prediction of the future and not reality. The fear I am going to address today is the fear of the unknown. Many of us choose to stay right where we are at because we feel safer when we know what to expect. Even if it is a negative, toxic or even a dangerous relationship or environment! For example, staying in a work environment that you dread going to everyday or choosing to keep a negative or toxic employee. Or worst case scenario staying in an abusive or dangerous relationship. I have found more often than not that the times where life my life seemed difficult or scary were actually just what I needed to push me to live a happier and juicier life!

This month is dedicated to overcoming the fear of the unknown!

http://youtu.be/-aDc7wCh-yY

 

My Orange Fish Fable!

Every spring my awesome hubby Steve meticulously sets up our pond in our back yard with a fountain! We call it our fountain pond! It takes two full days to complete but it is well worth it. LOL, that is easy for me to say as I am not the one doing the work. The second day includes a trip to Terra Garden Shop to purchase water Lilly’s and other aquatic plants…followed by a visit to the local Pet Smart Store to purchase 25 to 30 assorted colors of goldfish! Of course the majority are bright orange!!! I think they really should be called orange fish as they are not gold they are really orange and orange is a much happier color! So being as it is my article I will refer to them as orange fish!

They live a happy life all summer long swimming, eating and growing in their fountain pond! They have even found the perfect places to hide when they feel threatened by raccoons, birds and the occasional otter! Their pond is a sanctuary of underwater crevices between the rocks! I can imagine them paddling around thinking life is good!

 

Ahhh…but here comes the unknown! Time to cue the scary music….

We live in MN where any ponds that aren’t very deep freeze solid during the winter. Every fall we need to either rescue the orange fish from freezing or it will mean imminent death. We take them to the lake across the street that doesn’t freeze so they can live and flourish! Of course they don’t know this! This is their unknown! All they see is a woman (me) with a big net chasing them around in their pond! LOL, I have one responsibility when it come to our fountain pond…catch the fish in the fall! I am the net lady! These poor little orange fish fear for their lives because they don’t understand that I am really trying to save them and give them a better and longer life. So out of fear of the unknown they hide in their safe sanctuary! What they don’t realize is that what they believe is their salvation will actually lead to their demise!

I thought this was a great analogy for human life! We can’t see what’s over the hill or around the bend or in our future so we are afraid to step forward! We would rather stay where we believe we are safe because we fear the unknown. Yet the fear we feel is only a negative prediction of the future…it’s not reality. Whereas the situation we are currently living in is reality and in some cases a very dangerous reality. But we stay right where we are at and pretend, avoid and hide from things with excuses (excuses are human crevices) to feel safe!

Action Steps:

  • Come from a mindset of positive expectation instead of fear.
  • When things seem difficult see it as an opportunity to learn and grow.
  • Let it go! Seriously, let it go!
  • Decide on your next step.
  • Listen to your gut instead of other people.
  • If feels scary but exciting go for it…if it feels heavy walk away.
  • Take the next step no matter how scary…you will be happy you did!

There really is a bigger pond waiting for all of us! We in essence all live in our own little pond where we feel comfortable and safe because we think we know what we can expect in life…or so we think…that is until the net lady comes our way! The universe is our net lady trying to provide us with ample opportunities to live a happier, healthier and higher performing life!  Don’t let the fear of the unknown stop you from swimming in a bigger pond!!!

Contact Judy Kay today if you would like to learn more about how she can help your team WORK together to build a happy healthy and high performing culture!

October 1, 2014

Assumptions!

ASSUMPTIONS!

HOW CAN WE STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS?

WE MAKE ASSUMPTIONS EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY.

SOMETHING HAPPENS AND WE INSTANTLY ASSIGN MEANING TO IT.

THAT IS AN ASSUMPTION.

 

We start imagining what other people are doing, what they’re thinking, what they’re saying about us. We invent an entire story based on assumptions and we believe it. One assumption leads to another assumption; we jump to conclusions and we take it personally. Then we point the finger and blame other people. We usually start gossiping to try to justify our assumptions. Almost all conflicts are based on false assumptions. Assumptions are nothing more than false stories that we are telling ourselves. This creates a big drama for nothing because we don’t know if it is really true.

For example, when we haven’t heard from a close friend in a while we start to wonder if anything is wrong. The more we worry about it the more reasons we find to support our belief that something is wrong. And instead of picking up the phone and calling to ask if everything is okay we justify why we shouldn’t and put the blame on them. We continue to build our story and stress. Then our friend finally calls and we find out they have just been swamped in the busyness of life! All that negative energy and drama for a story we made up from assumptions.

It may be correct or it may be incorrect. We won’t know unless we take the next step. That step is a simple three letter word. ASK! Sounds easy but it’s not. We often fear that if we ask, we may open ourselves up to an emotional reaction. I call that emotional reaction an eggshell. Eggshells spawn many of the assumptions in our lives and in our dental practices today. It’s the fear of these potential eggshells that stop us from asking and allow us to start assuming.

Some of the eggshells I am referring to are:

  • Anger
  • Judgment/Criticism
  • Retaliation
  • Hurt feelings

We can’t let fear stop us from asking if we want to avoid assumptions. We don’t know what someone meant by their actions or words or the way they said something. Sometimes even what they say or the words they use can mean something different than what we believe them to mean. And just because someone felt a certain way in the past doesn’t mean they still feel the same. Stop making assumptions and start asking questions regardless of potential eggshells.

When you get that twinge in your gut and you think “Hmmm – I wonder what they meant by that, or I wonder why they haven’t…?” Or you find yourself saying “I think they meant this” – you don’t know! Stop yourself immediately from wondering and speculating and ASK! You will be surprised how many of your initial assumptions are incorrect once you hear their intent.

Ask with care, concern and respect. Some simple questions to ask are:

  • I am not quite sure what you meant, please tell me more?
  • I am not quite sure what happened. Can we talk about it?
  • Is everything okay?
  • Are you okay?

Continue to respectfully ask questions until you understand the other person’s true intent. If you are still thinking “I think they meant…” you are assuming. It is important to continue to ask more questions to achieve a deeper understanding!

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