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November 11, 2015

Just Say NO!

November 2015

Just Say NO!

I just finished reading a fabulous book written by Patti DeNucci titled the “Intentional Networker – Attracting Powerful Relationships, Referrals and Results in Business”. I absolutely loved the section on when to say NO!  I sometimes struggle with saying no…maybe you do too?  Have you ever said yes to something even when you were already overcommitted and didn’t have a clue how you would get it all done!  This month is dedicated to understanding how to say no so we can say yes to that which is most important to us!

In Patti’s book she shares it is important to learn how to just say no to what does not align with who we are; our values and priorities; our mission and purpose; our vision, intentions, and goals; the image and brand we wish to project; and our dedication to quality over quantity!

We really can’t be everything and do everything for everybody! Say no to what no longer serves you. Balance your time and commitments between purposeful and mindful.

I was taught from a very early age to say yes to any request as long as it was legal, ethical and within my licensure. I was somehow supposed to magically fit it whatever it was…into my schedule. Saying no meant I wasn’t nice and was selfish for putting my own needs first. It has taken me years to overcome the guilt of saying no to requests. I am thrilled to say I am mastering a new mindset of saying no to the things in life that are not a good fit to make room for the things that are a good fit. I can now say no with clarity and confidence. Which I believe has a lot to do with why I am a much happier person. I no longer allow myself to be pushed, cajoled, or guilted into doing things that I know are not a good fit for me. I am unwilling to spend the precious time I have on this earth living someone else’s agenda. Instead I make time for what matters most to me which is my health, my family and my career. I don’t know about you but in the past when I have agreed to things that I knew at the time were not a good fit I tremendously regretted my decision. I now listen to my gut instinct. When it says no, I listen and honor it.

In my business I do not accept requests where I know I am not the best fit…and instead I refer! I am blessed to have awesome colleagues who I am happy to align with their strengths.

Consider saying “no thank you” when requests, offers, and opportunities:

  • Are not the best uses of time, talent or resources
  • Don’t propel you forward toward your purpose, mission, vision, or goals
  • Don’t feed your purpose and passion
  • Cause you to neglect or compromise something important to you such as health or family
  • Could negatively affect your reputation
  • Don’t feel “right” in your heart or gut
  • Don’t interest, inspire, feed, or energize you
  • Create resentment
  • Could create unwanted attention or “noise”
  • Should be handled by someone else
  • Don’t need to be handled at all
  • Are professional requests that should require scheduling and compensation

Here are some polite ways to say no!

  • No thank you
  • No, not today
  • No that doesn’t work for me
  • No, I can’t help you with that
  • No, I am not available
  • No, I have another commitment
  • No, I just can’t say yes to that
  • No, I can’t do this but I can do this…

Learn to say no to what isn’t a good fit to make room for what is a good fit and you will be lead a much happier and more successful life!

Contact Judy Kay today if you would like to learn how she can help you build a cohesive team that support each other and the practice, become better leaders, and deliver service with more passion and fun!

October 1, 2015

Sarcasm! What’s the purpose?

October 2015

This month is dedicated to understanding the negative power of sarcasm and how it can make even the best of teams lose trust and respect!

I coach dental teams nationwide and often see sarcasm as a normal form of their communication! It seems so innocent when we refer to it as “just teasing”! Yet it is one of the quickest ways to lose trust and respect amongst the entire team. I often receive calls from dentists concerned that they have lost the trust and respect of their team. I have found the biggest culprit most often responsible is the sarcastic banter between them and their team.

When asked about sarcasm I often hear, “It’s just how we communicate! We tease each other in fun!” The problem is it’s not really fun…it’s negative. Often times a team member doesn’t realize when they have crossed the line. After all they are just teasing…it’s all in fun right??? The truth is sarcasm shuts down positive and effective communication!

I would like you to think about this for a moment. How do you feel when someone says something sarcastic to you and ends it by saying just teasing! Does it ever plant just a tiny seed of doubt? Do you ever think…hmmm…I wonder if they really feel this way? I wonder if they really meant it. The moment we have this thought we start to doubt and immediately start to lose trust and respect. We say sarcasm is in fun! But really who is having fun? Usually only the teaser not the teas-ee!

I try to look for reasons why someone may feel insecure when they speak to me in a sarcastic tone.  Some people use sarcasm as a way of avoiding confrontation because they are afraid of asking for what they want.  Sarcasm can also be passive aggressive or a way to dominate someone.   Others use sarcasm as a disguised barb when they are angry or upset because the are fearful of what might happen if they communicate openly and honestly.  When people are not good at reading those around them, or uncomfortable carrying on a conversation they will often use sarcasm hoping it sounds playful and witty.  Unfortunately it often has the opposite affect.

The dictionary defines sarcasm as the use of irony to mock, insult, ridicule or convey contempt! How is this in any way a positive form of communication! How does sarcasm in any way help build happy, healthy and high performing team relationships? So why do we support it as an appropriate form of communication? Many dental practices do! Does yours?

Sarcasm is not only hurtful, it is also the least genuine mode of communication.  The bottom line is sarcasm is a very negative and destructive way to communicate. It sabotages and undermines trust and respect and the chance to build a happy, healthy and high performing culture.

My challenge to you and your team is to stop the sarcastic remarks and start communicating openly, honestly and respectfully!

August 1, 2015

How You Make Them Feel!

August 2015

How You Make Them Feel!

Many of us believe it is our level of skill and knowledge that determines our success! When the truth is that there are many highly skilled and knowledgeable people that struggle to succeed. There is an abundance of skill and knowledge available in our society today. In fact we may often feel inundated with too much information! How many product, service or training emails did receive just today and deleted without even opening? Yet most of us will open an email from someone that we like and trust regardless of the topic.

Many of us continue to be customers of certain establishments because we value the relationships we have developed even when other establishments might be better or less expensive. We continue to do business with them because of how they make us feel (trusted, respected, and cared for).   Same goes for our patients. They will decide whether they will continue to do business with us based on how we make them feel!  This message is dedicated to learning how to reach greater success by focusing on improving how you make others feel.

 

 

I recently presented a course titled, Delivering W.O.W. Service: People Will Forget Everything Except How You Make Them Feel, at the PNDC (Pacific Northwest Dental Conference) in Bellevue, Washington. Scott, the camera man who was taking photos of the event happened to be a patient of one of the dentists attending my session. Because my course was about service, brand and loyalty I teasingly asked Scott how he felt about his dentist. Scott’s response was, “He’s awesome!” He shared the following reasons when I asked him why he felt his dentist was awesome.

  • My dentist takes time with me
  • He asks me questions about me and my family
  • He listens to me
  • Everyone on his team is really nice
  • I think he is a good dentist

Notice it wasn’t until the 5th reason that anything pertaining to skill or knowledge was mentioned. The prior four were all about the relationship he had with his dentist and how it made him feel.

Zig Ziglar was spot on when he said, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care!”

We focus too much of our time, energy and resources on defining who we are and what we can do…instead of focusing on what’s important to our patients and how we make them feel! For example, we create an impressive treatment presentation for our patient. First of all why is it a presentation and not a conversation? Why not a two way conversation where we can make a human connection and find out about what matters to them versus giving them a clinical presentation. It really doesn’t matter how good we are and how awesome we can make their teeth look and function if they don’t trust us and value our treatment suggestions.

Our level of success is a result of the relationships we have built with others whether it be with an employee, co-worker, patient, neighbor, friend or family! How we make them feel determines the strength of that relationship.  Here are a couple of my personal examples of how a strong relationship can trump everything else when it comes to building customer loyalty.

I have had been with the same cell phone company since I purchased my first cell phone in 1992. Yes that was back in the days when the phones were hardwired into the car and were the size of a shoebox. The company has changed names several times and is now T-Mobile. I stay with them because of how their people treat me as a longtime customer.

I have also continued to do business with Tricia Fairchild, my accountant and Mike McHugh my State Farm insurance agent since the early 90s. Why…because I value the relationships we have developed for the same reasons Scott the camera man shared. They take time with me, they ask me questions about me and my family, they listen to me, everyone on their team is nice and I think they are good at what they do. My long term loyalty has nothing to do with them being the absolute best, smartest or cheapest and everything to do with the relationship we have developed over the years. I feel like they know me and care about me as a person as well as my success.

I ask you to take a moment and think about who you have done business with for a period of time? How do they make you feel? Why do you choose to stay loyal to them?  Anytime you interact with others, if focus on how you make them feel you will build a much quicker and stronger relationship.  Our success in life is truly dependent on the relationships we build by how we make others feel when they are around us!

Choose to impact everyone you meet in a positive manner regardless of their behavior or situation. Choose to Smile & Shine and focus on how you make them feel AND you will live a happier and more successful life!

Smile & Shine bands are available on my website at https://www.practicesolutionsinc.net/products.html.

 

July 1, 2015

Don’t Kick the Dog!

July 1, 2015

Don’t Kick the Dog!

I thought the Dog Days of summer would be the perfect time for my topic this month, Don’t Kick the Dog! Both are oppressive. The Dog Days of summer are usually oppressive heat days. Kicking the dog refers to oppressive often displaced behavior towards others. The dog is an analogy for the people who are loyal to us such as a co-workers, friends and family.

This message is dedicated to learning how to stop kicking the dog and instead start loving the dog to build happier, healthier and higher performing relationships!  This is a preview to a larger discussion in August in The Progressive Dentist Magazine, http://theprodentist.com

Some of us are in the habit of kicking the dog whenever we get frustrated because something didn’t meet our expectations! Don’t Kick the Dog!  It is important to remember that the dog is a loyal co-worker, friend or family member. They are the ones who can and will help us most! You may have heard, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Which is actually saying, that when you’re trying to accomplish something, you’ll have more success by using ‘sweeter’ (i.e. politer, nicer) methods than by being angry, frustrated, rude, or cruel. Think about it for a second. Why would anyone go out of their way to help you achieve your goals if your behavior is oppressive towards them?

Here are a few common scenarios that illustrate kicking the dog.

The schedule falls apart and the doctor takes their frustration out by blaming the team so the team takes their frustration out by blaming each other. The reality is neither the doctor nor the team was responsible for the schedule falling apart. It was the patients who either didn’t show or canceled last minute.

We are running behind because a patient came late or the treatment was more involved. We take our frustrations out on our co-workers by blaming them for not helping us enough. They did not make us run behind or make the treatment more difficult.

We get home from a long and tiring day at work and take our frustrations out on our family. They had absolutely nothing to do with what happened during our day AND they are the people we love the most!

In each of these scenarios the person being kicked had nothing to do with the cause for frustration. They just happened to be unlucky enough to be work with us or live with us or just be in the vicinity.   The next time you feel like kicking the dog stop yourself immediately and remember that the dog is loyal to you. Instead start showing them the love they deserve by taking the following steps:

 

  • Breathe deep for a minimum of 30 seconds to surpass the fight or flight stage and get back into the cognitive thinking stage. Take 10 very deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth!
  • Shift your energy from frustration and blame to a caring and solution focused energy by being mindful that they did not cause the problem. They can help you.
  • Don’t assume anything instead ask questions until you clearly understand what happened.
  • Slow down and take the time to ask for help instead of running crazy trying to put out all the fires yourself. How can you be angry at others if you didn’t ask for their help?
  • Let go of the blame game of who did or didn’t do what and instead focus on what steps can help you move forward to achieve your goals.
  • Brainstorm and work together to strategize a plan to change future results.
  • Clearly define the implementation strategy by defining the what, who does it and who for, when, where, why and how.
  • Schedule check-ins to create accountability.
  • Address whenever something isn’t happening the same day if possible with a kind and supportive reminder. Remember we said we were going to…This will help the other person get back on track and avoid frustrations from building. Accountability does not mean you ask for something once. Accountability means we follow though until the task has been completed.
  • Show appreciation by thanking everyone who came to your assistance and helped you to resolve the frustration.

We can build happier, healthier and higher performing relationships and get the results we desire when we stop kicking and start loving the dog! It’s a win for everyone including the dog!

June 1, 2015

Clear, Effective Communication!

June 2015

Clear, Effective Communication!

Regardless of whether you’re talking about business, politics, sports or healthcare, the most successful people are first-rate communicators. Clear, effective communication is key to their success. To grow as a leader, manager or team member, it is necessary to learn how to master the art of clear, effective communication.

This month is dedicated to learning how to communicate more clearly and effectively to raise your level of success!

Here are 5 tips to help you communicate more clearly and effectively to raise your level of success in life!

 

  1. Be Transparent

Choose to be transparent in all communications. We want others to trust not only what we say, but what we mean. There are no hidden agendas, gray areas or reading between the lines. Transparency sheds light on our intentions and builds trust. People work hard for and follow the people they trust!

 

  1. Avoid Rambling

We often ramble on, particularly when we are nervous. Try to keep your phrasing succinct and focused and don’t go off on tangents. Data dumping too much information at one time is confusing to the listener. State your point briefly and clearly – then be quiet. Silence gives the listener a chance to consider what you’ve said, and respond.

 

  1. Avoid Using Demeaning Words

Remove the hedging phrases like “I just,” “I only,”…” from your vocabulary. Sometimes you may need to soften the impact of what you’re saying when you’re in a touchy situation. Choose language that softens the impact without demeaning what you’re saying.

 

  1. Ask

A lot of us never ask for what we need or want. We hold it inside and then get resentful when we don’t get it. Be clear with yourself first about what you want, and then ask for it. People can’t read our mind…well at least most people can’t! One of my favorite new phrases is “I prefer…” which is a kinder, gentler version of “I need” or “I want,” but it clearly states your preferences and it works. I have adopted a new motto in my life. I ask myself, “what have I got to lose”? If it’s not a life and death situation I ask for what I want. It’s amazing how many things have manifested in my life simply because I asked!

 

  1. Control Your Emotions

Show passion and positive Emotions. It shows you are human, you care and are excited about life. However, control negative emotions such as anger, frustration, outbursts and dramatic displays. If something takes you by surprise, and you feel yourself getting emotional, tell them you need to think about it and will get back to them by a certain time. This will allow you time to regroup and respond clearly and logically instead of emotionally.

Utilizing these 5 communication tips will help you to communicate more clearly and effectively and raise your level of success in life!

May 1, 2015

The F.I.X. Conversation!

May 2015

 

The F.I.X. Conversation!

 

I often hear the following sentiments when I am coaching teams to help them work together better.  “The office would be great if it weren’t for them!  The “them” they are referring to are the people that annoy them!

The reality is we can’t fix other people’s behavior we can only fix our own.  If we want to make our relationship better the only way we are going to have a chance is by focusing where the control is…our self.  Our power in getting others to change starts with our own willingness to change ourselves.  This month is dedicated to learning how to communicate more effectively to resolve problems in our relationships.

We only move forward once we realize someone else can’t fix our relationships problems for us…only those of us involved in the relationship can fix the problems. The boss, manager or HR can’t fix relationships. Even a relationship expert like myself can’t fix other people’s relationships. I coach and help facilitate a more positive conversation with less emotional energy. However, The F.I.X. is dependent on the people involved in the conflict.

Conflicts are really just a conversation with emotional energy resulting from a false assumption, difference of opinion or a different x-pectation. SO to F.I.X our relationships we must first F.I.X. our conversations. The F.I.X. Conversation starts by:

  • Everyone involved in the relationship wanting to actually make things better
  • Realizing that what is currently being done isn’t working

The relationship will fail if there is not consensus on these two things.

The F.I.X. Conversation is a three step process that empowers individuals to fix their problems in the relationship! F.I.X. is an acronym for Focus, Identify and X-pectation!

F – Focus first on the positives in the relationship. What is currently working in the relationship? We can get so wrapped up in what’s not working we fail to see all the wonderful things that are working.   Share with the other person what you appreciate about them.  Highlight the positives.

I – Identify the key issues or obstacles that need to be addressed. Examine current behaviors happening in the relationship. Communicating about the obstacles often uncovers the false assumptions that created them in the first place. Make sure the main issues and obstacles are listed or they won’t be resolved. What needs to be changed or improved to make the relationship better? What does better mean? Be specific; have a better attitude is too general. Instead, clarify what a better attitude means to you. Base it on actions to start doing versus actions to stop doing. For example:

  • Greet each other warmly in the morning
  • Smile at each other throughout the day
  • Happily help and support each other

X – X-pectations for behaviors moving forward. What does each person need from the other to make the relationship succeed? Together come up with a plan of specific actions to make the relationship better. It is important that the plan always support the practice standards and is in the best interests of the patients and the practice. What will each person agree to do differently regardless of circumstances or outside influences (other people)? Agree to no longer blame anyone or anything for their actions. They are the sole owner of their actions! Commit to a plan of action that is a win for everyone involved. Start implementing the plan immediately. The more precise and consistent the new behavior becomes the sooner it will become a habit and a sustainable fix!

Stop focusing on the problems and start communicating about what can F.I.X. the relationship and you will build sincere, strong and sustainable relationships!

 

April 1, 2015

Behavior versus Personality Trait

April 2015

Behavior versus Personality Trait!

I have the privilege of helping dental teams nationwide communicate and work together better, become better leaders and deliver service with more passion and fun! A big part of the process is to shed light on the obstacles that get in their way. One of the biggest obstacles people struggle with is the belief that their behavior is their personality…AND they can’t change their personality…it is just who they are!   Therefore, they cannot change!

The dictionary defines personality as the sum total of the physical, mental, emotional, and social characteristics of an individual. Whereas behavior is defined as the aggregate of responses to internal and external stimuli.

Our personality is who we are but does not have to determine our behavior.   Our behavior is a response to what is happening and we can always choose our response.   Once we understand this we are no longer limited by our personality traits.

I was working with a scheduling coordinator, I will refer to as Fran (her name has been changed) who did not exude warm fuzzys to the patients. The doctor and manager wanted a warm and welcoming scheduling coordinator. My first step was to confirm with Fran whether she wanted to be a friendly scheduling coordinator. She said “I do…but how I greet people and answer the phone is just who I am. I can’t be fake!” I reassured her that I did not want her to be fake but instead come from a place of genuine care and warmth. I asked her to think about something or someone she loved. She took a moment and said, “oooohhhh I love my dog!” As she said it her eyes sparkled and she smiled wide. In that moment she was actually beaming warm fuzzys! I said, “That’s it! That’s the energy and emotion that we are looking for!” Fran said, “But I don’t feel that way about the patients. Most of the patients aren’t very friendly to me! I only feel this way about my dog! My dog loves me! AND even if I wanted to I still can’t change my personality! I am not going to be all miss sunshine, rainbows and kittens! It’s just not me!” I told her I didn’t expect her to change her personality to be sunshine, rainbows and kittens. I was just asking her to change her behavior in how she treated the patients. The awesome thing was it was not even a new behavior she had to learn. She had already displayed it talking about her dog. All she had to do was replicate those same behaviors with the patients.

We taped a little picture of her dog where she could quickly glance at it to help her genuinely smile before answering the phone or greeting a patient. Fran was able to make the change once she understood smiling and greeting patients warmly was a learnable behavior not a set personality trait. Funny thing is that when I checked in with her to see how she was doing…she shared that the patients seemed to be a whole lot friendlier to her lately! Hmmm might have something to do with the energy she now radiates! Just saying…it’s the Law of Attraction in action!

Often times we get so wrapped up defending who we are we don’t realize it is our behavior that is in question and not our personality. The next time you are asked to make a change instead of going into defense mode and responding, “I can’t change this is just who I am,” ask yourself the following questions:

 

  • Where have I demonstrated the desired behavior?
  • How can I replicate this behavior in this situation?

 

Once we understand that our behavior is just a response which we can choose to change at any time AND not our personality…We are open to create limitless success!

Contact Judy Kay today if you would like to learn how she can help you build a cohesive team that support each other and the practice, become better leaders, and deliver service with more passion and fun!

March 1, 2015

MOTIVATION DOES NOT LAST!

March 2015

Motivation Does Not Last!

Motivation does not last sounds like such a negative title coming from me. I am known as the coach, speaker and author whose goal is to motivate others to be happier and more positive! OMG, you are probably thinking she finally hit the wall. LOL

Breathe, I still live in my orange world filled with sunshine, happiness and positive energy. However, the reason I am happy and positive almost all of the time is that I do realize that motivation does not last!   Staying motivated is a choice and a commitment we make.

The dictionary defines motivation as having a strong reason to act in a certain way or accomplish something. So how can we stay motivated on a daily basis? Define your reasons! Here are questions that can help you define the reasons that will motivate you.

  1.  Am I happy with how I live my life?
  2. Do I impact others in a positive manner?
  3. Do I strive to do my best?

Let’s start with question number one, are we happy with how we live our life. If we are happy with how we live our life we will have a strong reason which is the motivation to keep doing what we are doing. Take some time alone to take inventory of your life. I like to use a big easel pad and markers to write down all the thoughts that pop into my head. What is currently in your life that makes you happy and grateful and what is currently in your life that does not. This same process works great for dental teams as well to help them create the culture where they are happy and motivated to work. Have a team meeting and discuss what is currently in the work culture that makes the team feel happy and grateful and what does not?

Start by identifying and writing in ORANGE (seriously is there any other color) what you appreciate and makes you happy that is already in your life. Maybe you have an awesome family or a job you love or you are healthy. Feeling gratitude and happiness for what exists creates motivation to continue down the same path! Happiness and gratitude are huge motivators as they are great reasons and the pay off the what’s in it for us!

Next use a blue marker to write down all the things that are currently in your life that do not make you feel happier. Get it…they make you feel blue. Prioritize and just focus on one at a time. Knowing what you would like to improve to feel happier is a great motivator.

My husband Steve and I are focusing on getting healthier this year. We both have had some minor lower back issues that have been impeding us from doing some of the things that we enjoy and make us happy. In December we started doing Pilates together in our home twice a week. Our instructor is Sarah Picot in her video “More Than a Mat”! You can find her awesome video series on Amazon. Steve and I are motivated to continue Pilates because our backs have started to feel so much better. Now we can do more of the things we enjoy which makes us happier! We also have given each other FitBits as a Christmas gift. Who knew competition with your hubby could be so much fun. Competition and fun are huge motivators. We consciously take extra steps to reach our goal which is 10,000 steps per day. Here is my brag moment…when I was speaking at the awesome Star of The South meeting this January in Houston I logged over 25,000 steps in one day! When I speak I like to walk around in the audience.

Question number two, impacting others in a positive manner is really about positive circulation. Positive circulation is like Law of Attraction but always on the positive side. When we lift others up we will feel lifted because it gives us a sense of well-being. Having a sense of wellbeing is a huge motivator. Positive circulation is that all things in the universe are always flowing in circulation but at an ever expanding rate. What you give to one person, you will receive from a different source. So you don’t have to give with the expectation of receiving back from the same person you give to, but knowing that it will definitely come back to you multiplied from other sources. It works according to the law of cause and effect where the universe always mirrors back to you whatever you do. Think about this, how many times you have opened the door for someone only for someone to open the door for you…or allowed someone to merge in traffic and was reciprocated later in the day from another driver.

Question number three, doing our best is about having a sense of pride in what we do. Pride is a huge motivator. I am sorry to say pride has gotten a bad rap. There is a difference between having pride in what we do versus being boastful. Pride does not mean we are being conceited, arrogant or smug. Pride means we feel happy, joyful, delighted, satisfied and respect ourselves for what we have accomplished. How sad that we have been taught it is wrong to celebrate doing our best and feeling good about it. Instead we wait for others to acknowledge our success which often goes unnoticed. Think about it. How many times have you done something you feel good about at work and no one was there to celebrate for you. We end up not celebrating and we lose our joy and passion in life. Joy, passion and celebration are huge motivators! The next time you do your best at something even if there is no one to help you celebrate…stop and take a moment…stand up…breathe deep…throw your arms in the air…and shout TA-DAH! Give yourself a round of applause! After all you deserve it…you did your best. That’s all any one of us can do. Harness the motivating power of celebration with a TA-DAH today!

Contact Judy Kay today if you would like to learn more about how she can help your team WORK together better to build a happy healthy and high performing service culture!

February 1, 2015

Slaying Stress Monsters

February 2015

Slaying Stress Monsters!

Many of us feel stressed on a daily basis and for some of us even hourly! Stress affects our health, happiness and our success in life. Our level of success in life is defined by our level of happiness and our level of happiness is driven by the level of stress we feel in our day to day routines. This month’s focus is on learning how to remove stress to get happier and more successful!

Let’s start with the myths about stress…that stress is something that happens to us …or that someone made us feel stressed. The reality is that stress does not happen to us it is manifested by us. It is not what is happening or not happening or who does what that causes our stress. It is how we think and respond to the situation that causes our stress. We often talk about stress as if it is a physical thing like a monster that seeks us out. Stress does not come looking for us. We manifest it from within. Whether we feel stress is always subject to our mindset.

“Our mindset creates our stress level!”

There are four common stress monsters that we most often manifest. We can remove the stress in our life by identifying and overcoming these monsters.

The first stress monster is the WHAT IF monster! We worry and agonize about what if this happens or what if that happens.   What if they don’t like us or don’t accept us. What if I am not good enough? What if I do this and I end up opening a can of worms or the biggest what if…what if I fail! The stress of what if weighs heavy on many of us ad keeps us playing ourselves small. When you start to feel yourself spin into the WHAT IF cycle:

  • Stop ruminating
  • Breathe deep and count to 10 slowly for 30 seconds
  • Observe emotion than let it go!
  • Start thinking & processing!
  • Make a plan!
    • What is the worst case scenario
    • What is the best case scenario
    • What is most likely to happen
    • Will I live? If the answer is yes…take the next step

The second stress monster is the SHOULDS monster. We constantly stress ourselves out with negative self-talk. We become critical and think I should do this I shouldn’t have done that. The more we do it the more we start to doubt our worth and what we can accomplish. When we get into the comparison trap someone always ends up losing, usually it is us. Others are doing this or have this…I should…! When you start to SHOULD on yourself:

  • Stop being a Wallower
    • Wallowers – complain ,criticize, blame, gossip and compare
  • Be a creator
  • Focus on what is positive in your life
  • Identify what isn’t
  • Go after what you want
  • Replace the word Should with Could

The third stress monster is the PERFECTION monster. We stress about doing everything perfect. It paralyzes us and can stop us from taking even the first step. We start to procrastinate and stress out of fear of not doing it perfect. We start to feel petty and insignificant. The reality is none of us can start from perfect. Success comes only after mistakes. We will never become the person we could become if we limit ourselves to perfection. Success happens when we keep trying until you persevere. When the PERFECTION monster starts judging you:

  • Strive for excellence not perfection
  • Set high standards not impossible standards
  • Value who you are not what you do
  • Learn from failure instead of being devastated
  • Correct mistakes instead of dwelling on them
  • Appreciate instead of detest critical feedback
  • Don’t base your self-esteem on winning
  • Focus on the process as well as the results

The fourth stress monster is the DOOM & GLOOM monster. You know like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh! We become pessimistic and stress about life. We see the glass as half empty. We believe life is full of adversities that happen just to us. We believe the bad things will continue to happen throughout our entire life and they will affect everything we do. Our beliefs generate our feelings and our feelings determine our outcome. It becomes a negative self-prophesizing cycle. When the DOOM & GLOOM monster hangs over your head:

  • Dispute the negative limiting beliefs
  • Verify accuracy
  • Identify 3 potential positives
  • Take action steps to support the positive

When we identify the monster we our manifesting we can take action steps to remove it. I like to visualize the monster sitting on my shoulder and remove it by saying I see you and physically flicking it off my shoulder! Slay the stress monsters in your life and get happier and more successful! TA-DAH!

Contact Judy Kay today if you would like to learn more about how she can help your team WORK together better to build a happy healthy and high performing service culture!

January 1, 2015

Leadership Matters

Leadership Matters Regardless of our position in life we all lead. The problem for many of us is we don’t necessarily know what it takes to be a great leader or even a good one. This newsletter is dedicated to the leadership skills that can make a difference in the things that matter most in life!

I would like to tell you a story about a woman who was a great leader! Her name is Ione Miller and she just happens to be my mom. Mom was a city girl who at the age of 19 married a country boy (my dad Clem) and moved to a farm in ND! She raised 7 kids, ran the household and was my dad’s best farmhand. She was a very busy lady! Yet regardless of how busy she was…even as kids we knew that when mom thought something mattered, come hell or high water, (one of her favorite sayings) she would make it happen.

Ione Miller - High School

Our little Post office in St. Anthony was one of those things that mattered! Mom heard they were planning on closing the post office and instead of just complaining about it she took action. She called the powers that be to find out what she needed to do make stop it from happening. She was informed she would need a minimum of one hundred signatures on a petition from the St. Anthony and surrounding area residents. St. Anthony has a population of maybe all of 21 including pets which meant the majority of signatures would need to come from the surrounding farms. Mom drafted a petition and drove from farm to farm until she had secured all 100 signatures.   She happily handed over the petition over only to find out that it was no longer good enough. They had changed the rules and in order for the post office to stay open every family that signed needed to come to the post office and sign again in front of state representatives. They chose a day in the middle of harvest season with a tiny window of time from 10am and 2pm. Mom asked for extended hours explaining that farmers worked from sun up to sun down in the field during harvest season. They declined with a response of, “If it is so important they should just make time”. Mom reassured them that it was indeed important and they would be there. Once again she went from farm to farm to rally support. The day arrived and mom waited anxiously with the representatives. Over two hours had passed and not even one person had come to sign. One of the representatives snidely remarked, “We should just wrap it up now! There is no way you’re going to get enough signatures.”   With confidence (I can imagine it was starting to dwindle) mom responded. “We shall see!” and demanded they wait until 2pm. One by one the farmers started to trickle in. Most came right from their tractors in the field still wearing their stained and dirty overalls.   Mom greeted each one with a big smile while handing them the petition to sign. They had enough signatures by 2pm to keep the St. Anthony Post Office open! Way to go mom! In this story my mom exemplifies four core competencies that helped her succeed! They are clarity, confidence, perseverance and passion!

  • Clarity was displayed by having a clear end goal of keeping the post office open.
  • Confidence in herself and her community was demonstrated when she stood up to the state representatives even when things weren’t looking favorable.
  • Perseverance was portrayed by her willingness to do whatever it took to make it happen even when it became discouraging and overwhelming.
  • Passion was what she presented with to her community to incite them enough to leave their work in the middle of the day.

Mom was an awesome leader and I miss her every day! Great Leaders have clarity of who they are, the direction they want to go and the results they want to accomplish. Great Leaders are confident in their decisions and leadership. Self-confident leaders also recognize the value of building self-confidence in others. Great Leaders have perseverance to do what needs to be done regardless of the difficulty. They keep on keeping on. They continue look for ways to succeed when they hit a road block. Leaders with Perseverance ask, what can I do now? Great Leaders have passion for what they do in life and inspire others to follow. Passion is what ignites the heart and soul. No matter how difficult, hectic, or crazy life gets…It’s always up to each one of us to decide how we will lead in our life. We have a choice in every moment of every day regardless of the situation or circumstances. I challenge you to lead your life with clarity, confidence, perseverance and passion so that you can make a difference in the things that matter most to you! Contact Judy Kay today if you would like to learn more about how she can help your team WORK together better to build a happy, healthy and high performing service culture!

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